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The message stands clear in the poem, but one must feel some angst against such a mother unprepared for the burden she pushed upon herself.
There's not much technique to be seen, and there's a ton of parenting poems out there dealing with babies needs. However, the impact you give it is spot on. I get the feeling of dread that the mother will truly leave. Because she cannot stand the baby's cries. She sounds like the type of unfit mother who would leave her family behind in pursuit of calmer worlds.
When one signs the eternal contract of parenthood, they must be aware of the fine print of what they've been bonded to in their blood. Patience and levelheadedness is required of fit parents. I feel a sense of dread for the baby. The mother's nerves cannot handle cries, what would happen, should she stay, when the child grows, becomes obnoxious in the 'terrible twos'? Would she leave to gather her nerves again? Or would she be pushed beyond that? Could the poem be the insight into the beginning of an abusive parent?
The poem itself has so much potential to grow into something more. Better or worse. But as it is it falls short. With some added work, it could be great.
One way to add more value to the poem without vastly expanding on the inner turmoil of the mother and what it could grow to, is better sensory details. Description, description, description. It's key in writing.
The Artist thought this was FAIR
1 out of 1 deviants thought this was fair.


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